Are these feelings really all mine??
That seems to be this morning’s thought, after a fantastic weekend. I socialized, I wrestled, I tied, I spanked, I lifted the bunny, I giggled, I snuggled, I tickled to death, I ate well. But after I left, dropping the bunny at her home, and I came home to a quiet house, I was relieved. Then I got a headache. So I drank a big glass of water, ate some cookies, put quiet music on, and left the dog outside. I wanted to write, but my phone was so distracting, and I finally just settled for reading. Crown of Midnight, by Sarah J Maas, a kick-ass assassin woman with a conscience who is running so hard from a past she doesn’t want to remember. Huh, I wonder why I relate to that. The whole ‘why me? I’m not a hero’ vibe. (My brain is playing I Need A Hero from Shrek 2.) There is nothing scarier than being responsible, like what was I thinking when I said I wanted to bring two brats into the local scene?? And top it all off, they both like me. How did that happen? No, don’t get attached girls, I’m not interested in keeping you or dammit, dragon, you can’t claim them! Then we can’t ever give them away! That’s the plan, help them grow into horrible monster and princess brats, then give them to someone(s) else to keep forever. Or whatever… At 25, I am not a responsible adult. I generally spend more money than I make, and have no idea how I am still alive at this point. I also live with mom. I want a Dom more than they do. I like being the one who eventually loses the wrestle fight, I like trying to figure out what my Dom is going to do next or not do. I had more fun being pinned down last night than I did pinning the bunny down, though, that might also be for lack of a challenge. *sigh*
The problem with mainstream BDSM is that, one never sees the inner thoughts of Doms, and the subs just go ‘that was amazing’ or ‘rape!’ or ‘consent violation!’ But we’re just normal people who can leave our cares at the door and take on these roles of Domly Dom-ness and take this wee sub on a journey to a place that is just magic. A place where everything is right in the world. Subspace. In subspace, every little care one’s brain obsesses over is put away, and one just floats and flies away from all things. Granted, sometimes one goes down in subspace, but sometimes one must go back to go forward.
But that’s all my brain is capable of right now, so I’ll be back later…. After I somehow manage to make it through work. Side note, my legs were shaking on the trip down the stairs to the kitchen. This is going to be fun… *rolls eyes*